Bullied: The healing begins...Part II

In college, I wasn't bullied anymore. I just had to figure out how to not be so messed up. Although the healing process would take many years, the long slow trek back would get worse before improving...

I slipped quietly into the university library. The girl behind the desk was gorgeous. For days I had worked on fooling my internal guards so that I could say hello to this beauty. As I approached the desk, it started. The symptoms were always centered on my left side. The muscles around my mouth started quivering as I began to bite down hard on my lips. The corner of my mouth started to twitch. The tongue began pushing against the bottom part of my mouth and then slashed across the inside of my teeth. The elbow flickered and the fingers moved almost uncontrollably. Popping a pistachio I chewed feverishly as I got the next nut under my upper lip. It was too late. I was in overdrive and was escalating out of control. As my mind maneuvered feverishly to control my anatomy, the physiological elements finished me off. Breathing rapidly increased, the left leg was gripped by a vise, and the foot felt heavy. The throat muscles tightened as all parts of my mouth moved incessantly. The panic set in as I emptied my last sources of energy to avoid collapsing. I was now a moment away from dry heaving. At this point, I knew there was no way I was going to move forward. Now my only chance of avoiding total embarrassment was to get out. So I did.

I walked around the perimeter of the campus to avoid as many people as possible. As I hit a quiet stretch, I could feel myself slowly settling down. No one was around which meant there was no one to impress… which meant I could return to my safe point of invisibility. Another day at school had been attempted with a recurring result. No classes were attended, no schoolwork was completed and I headed home elevated in stress and depleted in self-worth.

In order to reset my vitals to a functioning level, I had to separate my mind from reality. I got back to the apartment, slouched onto the sofa and turned on the TV. Cable had not yet come to pass so I had to settle for the soaps on one of the three network stations. After an hour, I was feeling better, but was quite aware that phase-two of surviving the day was soon to arrive...To be continued...

I was just thinking....

1. You can’t make a difference … unless… you are different.
2. Change is scary. Just ask anyone who knew Dr. Martin Luther King, Gandhi, or Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.
3. NCLB (No Child Left Behind) was a glamorous ideal. However, let’s balance the vision with a taste of reality. A few people are going to design the buildings and many are going to lay the bricks.
4. Discipline strengthens purpose…Respect builds trust…Courage produces results!
5. Weak parents negotiate curfews...strong parents say, "Be home by 10".
6. Trees never lose focus…Sunlight baby, Sunlight!!
7. You are never lost…you are always somewhere!

7 Tips for Family Survival in 2012

1. Hear what your kids are not saying. a. When you ask your teen how the day was, the response is always “fine”. In many cases this is a normal teenager energy reserve response. However, if something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Now you have got to probe deeper and get your child to talk. It will be difficult, painful and possibly loud. However, we are talking about the long-term well-being of your child. 2. Illegalize all electronic devices in your child’s room after they turn in for the night. a. No…I’m not kidding. Have your kids hand over their cell phones, computers, I Pads, etc., etc. The 24/7 constant information barrage is not healthy. b. If they refuse, do not let them into their bedrooms. No negotiations…They need to sleep. 3. Do not allow your kids to lock their bedroom doors. a. Give them their deserved privacy…which means you will knock before entering. b. People lock doors when they don’t want others to know what is being said or done. We have the right as parents to know everything that our kids say or do! c. If they refuse your request, remove the door when they leave for school and ask your neighbor if you can keep it in their garage….I guarantee they won’t lock it when you give them a second chance. 4. Require that you children give you their access passwords to all computer accounts. a. Remind your kids that any access to these things is a privilege which can be removed because of poor behavior, poor grades, poor hygiene, etc. i. Last year my daughter was going through a philosophical struggle which involved being irresponsible and disrespectful to her parents. I got on her Facebook, changed her password and left the following message: “Dear Facebook Friends: My daughter will not be sharing with you on Facebook for an undetermined period of time until she regains her senses. This will occur when she shows appreciation and respect for her parents, cleans her room, does all schoolwork on time, and quits talking back.” Signed “Dad” 5. Accept the fact that your tween or teenager lies. a. This is a challenging one for many parents to come to grips with. After 23 years as an educator and 17 years as a parent it is just the cold hard truth. You can adjust the term to “fib”, “alter”, “forget”, “contrive”. The reality is that kids’ minds work within a very small window of time. For example, it’s Thursday and your child gets in trouble in school. He has been waiting for two weeks to join his buddies after school on Friday for a sleepover weekend. I guarantee you that your son or daughter will adjust the details so that they can participate in the sleepover. b. These kids are not bad kids….they are kids. c. So do the right thing…don’t let them join the sleepover. d. I suggest wearing ear plugs when you announce your decision so that the whining, drama and screams will just be a dull nuisance. 6. Ask questions, verify answers, a. Ask the following questions: i. Who will you be with? Will their parents be at home? Who is driving? What specifically will you be doing? ii. Do not accept any answer that begins with: “I think so”, or “Mary…and a couple of other kids”. b. Verify answers: i. Call the other parents. 7. While having meals as a family, no electronic devices will be permitted: a. No TV…No smart phones…No texting….No computers… b. Only allow conversation and proper table manners!

Bullied: The healing begins...

Bullying can scar you for life. After graduating from high school my life followed a hypersensitive crumbling path. The next eight years are a medicated blur, and yet, simultaneously, a calculated demonstration of survival tactics. Most of the names are forgotten but not the pummeling pain of existence. Just thinking about those days causes me to be physically debilitated as I try to transmit the daily trauma across these computer keys.

I was living in an apartment with one of many different roommates I would have as I scraped towards a college degree. I awoke on this Tuesday in October of the fall of 1980. My first class was at 8:00 and as usual my intention to be prepared had not come to fruition. I showered and consumed my usual two bowls of Captain Crunch. I chewed on the right because two teeth on the left were hurting bad. I hadn’t made it through a dentist appointment in over four years. Fulfilling the minimum hygienic expectations, I then initiated the survival techniques for the day. The pistachio supply was adequate and positioned in all the key locations; a handful in the two front pockets of my jeans, half a bag in my coat inside pocket, and another bag for backup placed under my passenger seat. This was going to be a distinctly tougher day as I had not been able to get my hands on the yellow pills for quite a few days.

Driving towards school, the radio was set on a golden oldies station as I drifted into my safe world of daydreams. I found some peace while I drove since I was in control and it was a place where I could be the person I always wanted to be. Today, I found solace as an amazing tennis player wowing the world with win after win at Wimbledon. Pulling into the school lot, I longed for that John Denver song to just go on and on so that the crowds would keep cheering. As I headed pass the baseball field towards the campus, I transformed myself and was now invisible. This was the absolute key to surviving for the day. I had given up on directing every neuron and fiber towards the cause of looking cool. I wasn’t anything but a piece of dirt that wandered through each day... wondering why was I of such little significance in this world.

I took the usual path working my way through the halls passing hundreds of students. They were not peers since there was no relationship or connection. I glanced at the pretty girls, envied the guys they were talking to, and wished so deeply that I could just be a part of all this. As I passed my class room I glanced in, considered entering for a second and then proceeded on by...To be continued

Counting my Blessings...

As I launch on a new voyage with the support of my wife and kids, my insides are blending into a homogeneous (Sorry…former science teacher) concoction of passion, excitement, vision, angst, doubt and fear. I acted on the decision to become an advocate for anti-bullying hoping to share, strategize and provide hope for students, parents and teachers.
Challenges abound, but on this morning I’m taking a quiet hour to reflect and to count my blessings:
1. God has blessed me with the strength to continue healing from the emotional damage of bullying. He has guided me along a path with a purpose. This route has tested me with tangled roots, unmarked forks, and hooded strangers with appealing poison apples. Despite the gauntlet faced each day, the path permeates with the love of my wife, daughter, son, family and friends.
2. God has blessed me by waking me up each morning, with the thought in my head that today will be a good day.
3. God has blessed me with vision to see the “Good” in every person
4. God has blessed me with a cholesterol level that remains steady at 95….Yes…95. I asked my doctor if this was too low. He laughed and told me to go enjoy a large grease-dripping cheeseburger!
5. God has blessed me with two children who love people and love to do things! One is a teen and the other is twelve. So they at times express the international teen signals; self-absorbed, back-talk to parents, fibbing (OK...they lie), etc. However, God has blessed each of them with a conscience, caring hearts, empathy, high-functioning neurons, passion, and the desire to fulfill dreams.
6. God has blessed me with an amazing wife. Her warmth, intellect, sensibility and unwavering love for me has kept us on the path together for over 25 years.
7. God has blessed me with with the strength to attain a quality education. He has also showed me that learning never stops as long as you continue to listen.
8. God has blessed me with the strength and willingness to forgive…..Boy that one took a long time…
9. God has blessed me with a desire to smile, cry and laugh every day.
10. God has blessed me with the fortitude to apologize and mean it. To all of you that have tolerated my stubbornness, self-pity, ego, blustering, bullying, and self-centered actions….I deeply apologize!

A Persistent and Proactive Anti-Bullying Plan

I think that if all of the bullying organizations came together we could significantly deter bullying in all our communities. A national coalition with passion and focus would be phenomenal. However, even with the most proactive creative pieces in place, some bullying would still occur. It is similar to the teenage drinking and driving issue. Kids are so well informed about the dangers but that voice of immortality still lingers on the shoulders of so many teens.

Despite the extraordinary programming and the horrific images, kids still get behind a wheel drunk or are persuaded to get into the backseat with an intoxicated driver. I think the same goes with "Bullying". The programs are more connective, the images are stronger, the media is relentless... yet kids and adults are still bullied.

So just as we do with the drinking/driving issue, we have to have a program that constantly reminds, informs and keeps the kids, teachers and parents in check. Every school system should have in place a mandatory anti-bullying presentation at the opening of school. The sterile power point shows have got to go. These programs need to be fed by emotion. A statistic sticks for a moment but feelings can impact a person for life. The presenting team must grab the audience so that the message burrows into their brains. Anyone connected to kids should receive mandatory training in order to develop a rapport with kids, recognize the signs of bullying and effectively respond. Parents have got to probe ( a tough tough challenge with teens). A parent has to start listening to what their child is not saying. Without exception, a short-term battle with your child will far outweigh the effects of a long-lasting war.

The ultimate goal is that we want every student, teacher and parent excited about school and feeling safe. We want students enjoying school every day and teachers enjoying coming to work each day.

Wouldn't it be great if we could keep the drama in theater class while spending the rest of the day focused on intellectual growth and accomplishment!

If you bully...

If we are going to eliminate bullying in our schools do we have to come up with innovative strategies? I say "No"... Let's return to what works. So here are my strategies for eradicating bullies from our school communities.
 1. If you bully, all electronic devices are off limits for the rest of your school year. You need information,,,
 read a book; you need a ride, use the school phone; you want a status, talk to someone face to face.

 2. If you bully you do good old-fashioned manual labor. Put on some gloves and pick up garbage around
 the school. Parents may not argue...if they do they are handed another pair of gloves.

 3.If you bully, you do not return to school until you and your parents writes an apology to the victim. Then
 you hand that apology to the victim in person while looking at them in the eye.

 4.If you bully you will be afraid to tell your parents because the punishment will be worse at home.

 5.If you bully, you don't play sports...your exercise will consist of mowing all your elderly neighbor's
 lawns, and cleaning all three family bathroom floors with a toothbrush, (We were luckier, most of us only
 had one)

 6. If you bully, you will be "Scared Straight".

 7. If you bully, "free time" is a memory.

 8. If you bully, you are assigned a seat in the cafe for the year. Then you stay and clean the cafe after lunch.

 9.  If you bully, you lose all pass privileges. No more bathroom passes...plan better.

 10. If you bully, you stay home with your parents. Sorry parents, you raised them...you fix them.

No Bullying today...Let's have fun... 10 people/events to chuckle about

1. Self-proclaimed Education Presidents....We haven't had one since Woodrow Wilson!
2. Reality shows. I've been on one. There is nothing real about them.
3. George Carlin...He never wasted a word!
4. No Child Left Behind...I've got some bad news...and...Don't turn around...
5. Sean Hannity of Fox News....A true journalist always presenting a non-biased perspective.
6. Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel... a flash of lightning, a rumble of thunder...Jim's on Air
    response..."Oh my God, did you hear that? It's going to be a long night for the people of this sleepy little
    town."
7. Scandals involving Divison 1 college football coaches...1.Friday: The Univ.of X is excited to welcome our
    new coach to lead us into the future. 2. Saturday night: The coach goes to a club and is caught
    later that night with three strippers in his hotel room. 3. Monday: The Athletic Director announces that the 
    coach is being released...but the good news is that he is only getting sent away with 2.5 million dollars
    from his original 7.2 million dollar contract!
8. M.A.S.H...Now that was quality television...a gauranteed laugh no matter how many times you had seen
    the re-runs.
9. Obamacare....Millions spent to determine if we should spend millions
10. Bill Cosby...Life's daily struggles transformed into laughter simply by telling a good clean story.

Bullying was hurting...but Healing was on the horizon

As I discussed yesterday, the eight years after high school were filled with nightmares, daydreams, and very little productive moments. I was hurting bad after so many years of being bullied. Every day I was in a mode of survival dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and physical ailments. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I was too frightened and nervous to go to a dentist so by the age of 25, I had a cavity in every tooth in my mouth. I had many nervous ticks that were easily set off by interacting with people. The worst situations were when I with girls that I liked.

During my darkest days, my left arm and hand would twitch, my left leg got heavy and numb, the left side of my head always felt pressure on the temple. However, the most devastating symptom was the constant sense that I was going to dry heave. many times I did and of course this did not set me up fro many second dates. So I again designed a method of survival. As long as I always had something chewable in my mouth, I usually managed to put off the heaving. After experimenting with several items, I eventually settled on pistachios. Every morning my routine, along with showering and dressing, included the strategic location of pistachios for the daily activities. I made sure I had some in both front pockets of my pants and in the inside pocket of my jacket. There was also backup supplies located in my car, bedroom dresser and kitchen. If I was running low, I had to get a new supply at all costs. I missed appointments and failed to meet responsibilities. The pistachios were so aligned with me, that I regularly received them as Christmas presents because others assumed that I just liked them.

By the time I was 25, I was physically and emotionally a minimal blob of existence. (OK...that was a little wordy). Avoidance became my most painless method of survival. Some friends hung in there with me, but most tired of my lack of dependability, and direction. They got sick of wasted words, my daily personae of pity, and the absurdity of the panic attacks.

The day after labor day in 1985, I started classes again at the University of Lowell. I did have a bachelor's degree in business but had slid in and out of several jobs with no sense of purpose or passion. Now I was back in school to pursue a degree in Biology, attempting to convince myself that this was the real deal. All of my peers were off starting careers, getting married, buying houses and having kids. I was forging forward through another fall doing everything possible to avoid commitment and responsibility.

On the second day of school a moment occurred that would change my life forever. It was that second in time where the transition from "Hurt" to "Healing" began.  This stunningly gorgeous Biology student came up to me and asked me a question in the hall at school. I felt as if I was looking into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. As I began to respond to her question, something amazing happened: I didn't reach for a pistachio, I didn't twitch, I didn't feel a need to get away, I was coherent and I smiled! The "Healing" (although the process would take several years ) began at that very instant....To be continued....

Holding on to Hope through the Hurt of Bullying

"Hope" is a crucial word that I use during my anti-bullying presentations. I want kids to know that what I went through really hurt. I want them to know that the healing process can be at times challenging, unbearable and brutal. However, if there is no perspective of hope then those that hear me will end up doing what too many young people are doing. They will shut down believing that there is no way that things are going to get better. I know it gets better and I want to share with everyone that will listen that life can be awesome again, and a purpose for living is right there in front of you. When I was at my worst during the post-bullying years, getting out of bed was an exhausting chore. I knew that as soon as I faced other humans, I returned immediately to those feelings of worthlessness. I survived by avoiding connections with people. I was so afraid that they would quickly find out what a useless piece of dirt that I was. For about 8 years from 18 through 26 my daily walk through life was akin to a B-rated horror movie; something/someone was always lurking causing me discomfort and leading to irrational actions. I was a paranoid hypochondriac with neurotic tendencies. Underneath this craziness was simply a guy that wanted to be accepted and liked. I avoided high places because I would shake uncontrollably and stare down the constant fear that I would jump. I never did jump and there was never anything physically wrong with me. At the end of each day, I would feel such a relief when I knew I wouldn't have to face anyone else that day. I would allow myself to breath and then deal with the utter exhaustion of surviving the day. Sleep was tough and would eventually come after several hours of television or movie diversions. You are probably asking how could you continue every day. I don't know except that in the back corner of my mind was a slight stirring driving me towards a better day. In 1985, at the age of 26, the first inklings of a healing process began......More tomorrow...

Website Launched

I launched my website today, http://www.mikesanzeducate.com/. I'm so excited to finally get started and work towards ending bullying and supporting survivors throughout this country. So lets get started. The student program is developing and getting stronger every day. Teacher and parent programs are in the design stage. I'll present to any non-profit in Beaufort County at no cost through mid-August. E-mail me at sanzeducate@aol.com or call me at 843-422-9793 if you would like me to speak to, share with, and support your group.

Parent Tip of the Day:  When your children check in for the night, have them turn their smart phones, I pads,
                                   and computers over to you. Let them focus on sleep and rest without the media from
                                   10 PM until 6 AM.  (Crazy...maybe...Brilliant...probably).

Bullied: Hurt, Healing and Hope

After 3 year of talk, thought and planning I have made the decision to resign from Beaufort County School District. I will be focusing my energy on an antibullying program titled, "Bullied: Hurt, Healing and Hope". There are 4 major points to the program:
1. I tell my stories opening up to the emotional and physical struggles that I experienced.
2. I inform and educate providing strategies for deterring and stopping bullying.
3. I make the bullies aware that a moment of laughter leads to a life of struggle for victims.
4. I provide a message and support system of Hope. Life can and will get better.

 Programs are age appropriate each with their own perspective. So far I have made presentations at four Beaufort County Boys and Girls Clubs, McCracken Middle School and Hilton Head Island Rec. My web page should be launching later this week. I am making this program available to any non-profit organizations in Beaufort County for no cost through mid-August. Give me a call at 843-422-9793 or e-mail me at sanzeducate@aol.com.
 Programs for other groups include:
• Parents:               Understanding what your child is not saying.
 • Teachers:            Rapport, Recognition, Response
• Survivors:            Coping, Hoping and Solutions
 • Community:        Just like a Natural Disaster: Prepare in Advance
 • Grandparents:    How can I Help?
 • Workplace:        Talented, Qualified and Driven: Targets for Bullies.

The long term goal is to provide a tough message, strategies and avenues of hope for kids, teachers, parents and survivors. This program will spread from Beaufort County, through South Carolina, and throughout this country. Forming coalitions with other anti-bullying organizations we will end the hurt and fear of bullying. My personal goal is to see all kids feeling safe in any social situations and enjoying coming to school every day.

Ten Words worth Defining...

Ten Words worth Defining…
1. Parental Love: Actions, responses, feelings, and decisions in which on several occasions the correct word is simply, “No”.
2. Integrity: Actions that you see on the outside are the same as what the person is thinking on the inside.
3. Winning: A moment in time to be cherished and remembered… not to be embellished, or placed on the same platform of importance as the process necessary to attain that win.
4. Losing: Events in life from which you should draw strength, wisdom, patience, perseverance, grace, humor, and vision.
5. Role Model: An imperfect human being whose outstanding skills, charisma, charm, looks and appeal is minimized by the immensity of his or her morality.
6. Education: A lifelong pursuit down a perilous potholed path with several open doors lining the route. Another easier parallel path exists, but the doors are closing quickly, barricaded or locked.
7. Courage: Actions leading to lasting positive changes; with clear expectations of being pummeled, and the joy of recognizing our true friends.
8. Discipline: Holding back in order to move forward.
9. Respect: The foundation upon which all interactions with my parents and teachers were built.
10. Happiness: Looking in the mirror and walking away with an internal warm smile.

10 Things that make it a Good Day for a Middle Age Man

10 Events that Highlight a Middle Age Man’s Day!
1. When you are able to slide out of bed with less than 3 body joints hurting. I did say slide…the last time you jumped was 10 years ago when you realized you had missed your tee time!
2. When you have a nice fluent flow in the morning…without any wait time.
3. When an attractive woman smiles at you and you don’t have either your dog or your cute grandchild with you.
4. When your wife smiles at you and you don’t have either your dog or your cute grandchild with you.
5. When you don’t fall down the stairs while looking for your glasses because you can’t see anything.
6. When you can just enjoy the flavorful taste of a cookie not packaged by Metamucil.
7. When you can sit down for dinner with every family member accounted for and present.
8. When you can stay awake throughout the whole movie.
9. When you leave in the morning…with a job and return that evening…with a job!
10. When you go to bed, you aren’t bothered by indigestion, caffeine jitters, back pain, insomnia, the neighbor’s rap music, or one immensely irritating cricket.

10 of my favorite Parent statements through the Years!

In paranthesis are my responses:

1. I know my child and I know he would never lie to me. (You are living in a fantasy world, mom!)

2. Why don't you worry about the big things like drugs and weapons instead of
wasting your time bothering my kid about dress code and being tardy? (If I bother your child
about these "small" things, I won't ever have to worry about the big ones.}

3. If my child said F$#@ Y&% to you, what did you do to cause him/her to say that? (Are you kidding me?)

4. My child doesn't think that you like her. (I don't...but I still want to facilitate her educational
experience.}

5. He never acts that way at home... (Ha, ha,...that's a good one!)

6. Why are you stressing my child out with all these expectations? (Why aren't you reinforcing my
expectations at home?}

7. Don't talk down to me just because you have a college education... (Sure, I'll express my views intellectually.
The problem is that you won't understand a darn thing I said. So at least give your child the opportunity to
understand some day.}

8. My child says that you are boring... (Which rock did you look under that had a note stating that preparing
children for a solid education was entertaining?}

9. I've talked to many of my daughter's friends and they all say you called her on the carpet. (You are foolish
for listening to a bunch of teenagers that challenge anyone that facilitates brain function... and by
the way, you might try calling her on the carpet as well.}

10. My child is failing your class. What are you going to do about it? (Not a darn thing...he's failing because of
his decisions not because of my actions!}

Ten Statements made by Teachers that Enhance your Child's Education.

1. Your brain should be tired by the end of the school day because you challenged yourself today...not because
you wasted brain cells texting until 3:00 AM this morning.

2. Yes....spelling counts!

3. If you would like to do better in my class, take all electronic devices out of your room and hand your
cell phone over to your parents after 8:00 PM every night.

4. Who said anything about being easy?

5. Please use full sentences.

6. When a middle or high school student tells the teacher that they don't have a pencil, paper or their book
after the first week, the teacher's response should be..."That's your problem, deal with it".

7. When I'm talking...you aren't!

8. Work is an expectation, not an option!

9. Studying is hard...Digging ditches is harder!

10. Your parents owe you food, shelter and an education...everything else is a priviledge. If you decide to ignore
your education, there will be no extracurricular activities, no time with friends, no electronic devices, no
name brand clothes, no use of the car, no spending money, no dating, etc., etc.

Has it been worth it?

When I was a young adult, I was such a quiet guy. I didn't share my view and kept most things inside. During my first seven years as a teacher I kept my views guarded. When I shifted to administration in 1998, the passion I had towards facilitating outstanding educational opportunities for all kids, really began to intensify. By the time I took my first principalship in 2002, I was fired up and had a lot to say. My vision for community and academic success drove me forward. So I passionately expressed my views.

I found out that change and strength of character scares people.

1. I went to the school board and superintendent in my second year as principal at Epping Middle high School and presented a vision to turn the Epping school communities into one of the finest in the country. I told them that it would be hard and some would fight the change. I told them I was willing to take all the hits. The superintendent and the board agreed to support me 100%. The school board offered me a four year extension on the spot to validate their support. The superintendent and I came up with a plan for implementation. The process began, people got scared and the superintendent collapsed. She allowed the old guard, that she agreed was the crux of the problem, to take control of the school.

2. I took a position as Head of School for a private education institution on HHI. The owner was a tyrant. When I arrived the teachers had sub-standard pay and no medical benefits. The curriculum was questionable. Half the classes did not have textbooks. SCISA was challenging our legitimacy as a secondary school. The NCAA was challenging the credibility of our graduates. I fought for students and teachers for three years. In the third year the owner called me in and said... "without question this is a better quality school now then when you arrived over two years ago. However, I liked it better when it was a lousy school and I was making more money." Then he convinced the new investors that I was spending over budget when in actuality he had cooked the books shifting other business venture expenditures into my lines. The result, I was convinced to agree to a mutual arrangement that sent me on my way.

3. The superintendent of schools in Beaufort County told me I was the kind of administrator she was looking for. She toldme that I would be a principal in the system in no time. She also told me I could always talk to her if I had concerns. Seven months later I had a concern, so I spoke. I was transferred, demoted and many attempts were made to get me to quit. I expressed my concerns and the papers got a hold of my e-mail to all my colleagues. Between e-mails, phone and personal conversation, over 400 employees in the district have expressed their support for what I said. The standard component of every conversation was a piece in which these people expressed concern about losing their job if they publicly supported me. In the last year I was given a negative review, (I got an attorney. They conducted a new review and I received excellent marks...the district also agreed to shred the bad review.)and not given the opportunity to return to an administrative position despite the fact that I am one of the most experienced administrators in the district.

4. I have been an HHBA little league baseball coach for three years. It has been a joy to coach so many fine young boys and particularly to coach my son. This year I stood up to the chairman of the HHBA committee and to another coach. The chairman is a bully and the other coach is sneaky and demonstrates questionable ethics as a coach. I simply stood up in front of them and called them on the carpet. The vast majority of the other coaches and parents know about these guys and have witnessed their actions. Because of my honesty, I have been banned from coaching my son and was even asked not to come on the field when my son's all-star team was practicing. Never have I ever seen a parent not welcomed onto a field to help out. I have seniority as an HHBA coach and twenty years experience as a high school coach, athletic director, teacher and principal. It would be difficult to find a parent that did not support my philosophy and actions as a coach for their kids.

So I ask myself the question, "Has it been worth it?" Absolutely!!!

No matter how people react, my children will always know and believe that Dad stood up for what he believed in...that he cared deeply about kids...and that he followed the right path, not the easy one!

Three Pillars Education: 10 ways to Improve Respect & Discipline in School....

Three Pillars Education: 10 ways to Improve Respect & Discipline in School....: "10 Ways to Improve Respect and Discipline in Schools.
1. Hire administrators and teachers that couldn’t care less about being politically ..."

10 ways to Improve Respect & Discipline in School.

10 Ways to Improve Respect and Discipline in Schools.
1. Hire administrators and teachers that couldn’t care less about being politically correct.
2. Eliminate warnings, negotiations and rescheduling in the discipline protocol. The only warning is on day one when the student receives their student manual.
3. Forget about teaching to the test. Teach to the focal point of passion.
4. Expel the 5 % of the kids who couldn’t care less about school and who daily impede upon the educational opportunities of others.
5. Celebrate the quality, heart and passion of teachers and mean it.
6. Tell the parent that comes in looking to find fault in everyone as a cover for their child’s imperfections…to take a hike….then have the SRO escort them out of the building.
7. If a student does not do their homework, prepare for class or study…give them what they deserve…..an “F”.
8. Expect all students in American schools to speak in full sentences, look you in the eye, do the multiplication table through 12, spell properly, exude manners, and speak English.
9. If you pass everything, you play. If you fail anything, you sit.
10. Manual labor should be the standard form of discipline for not doing your homework. Let them get used to what it will be like in 10 years if they don’t carry through with their education.

Bullied: What does she see in me?

Chapter 6
What does she see in me?
Here I was back in school in the spring of 1985 ready to try something new. I was in possession of my business degree from ’83 supported by that 2.01 GPA. However, after attempts at engineering, retail management, sales and an attempt at making the Professional Tennis Tour, it was time for something new. I was ready and focused and I was going to do it. I was going to be a Biologist. The reality was I had never followed through with anything after the age of ten. I struggled with commitment, trust, relationships, winning, and losing, just to name a few. However, I was a fighting survivor of Bullying and I plugged along. Surprisingly, I enjoyed that semester. I made some friends, performed in school and actually laughed at times. Of course, I always had my little yellow pills when things got a bit too tough.
The fall semester began on a very high note. I was excited for the first time in years and jumped into my classes believing that I would do well. Sitting in Microbiology the first day, I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting ahead and to the left of me. I could not keep my eyes off of her. I knew, however, that a girl like this would never go for a chump like me. I had joined the Biology club in the spring and was now an elected officer of the club. About three weeks into the semester, three girls stopped me in the hall and asked if they could join the club. One of them happened to be that gorgeous girl from Microbiology class. My eyes were glued to her as the three girls asked questions about the club. Her name was Kathleen. She was stunningly beautiful, with a nervously curved smile, pale green eyes and long slender fingers. What was impossible to not notice and is still mentioned by so many to this day was her hair. I had never seen a woman with so much gorgeous thick hair and it was intoxicating.
We ended up in the elevator by ourselves after the other girls had moved on. We connected immediately and just started talking and listening. Immediately, I noticed that I was not a nervous wreck around her. I made sense when I spoke to her and I didn’t dry heave as I did with other girls that I thought I liked. By the time that we left the science building and had walked half a block a decision was made. I was going to marry this girl. There was only one problem. Kathleen was gorgeous, bright and talented…and I was me! So I decided to conduct an experiment.
The kids in our department met in groups many nights in the library. A few days later, I “accidently” bumped into Kathleen and told her that we had a study group planned for that evening and she was welcome to join us. At seven o’clock I was seated at the table on the third floor of the library trying to figure out how I would explain the lack of any other participants. As my mind was scrambling, two students from the Middle East sat and started talking. This was great! Now it looked like a study group. As we were talking, she appeared. All three of us stared although I tried not to gawk. As she sat down the other two guys proceeded to talk incessantly to her. Now I was looking at the possibility of a wasted opportunity. However for whatever reasons, after just a few minutes, the two guys excused themselves and headed out.
Here I was now alone with this woman who I couldn’t stop thinking about since our first talk in the elevator. After just a few seconds, my guilt-driven tongue spilled the beans. “There is no study-group, Kathleen; I set this whole thing up”. Kathleen looked at me and just quietly stated, “I know…and you are the only guy in the department that calls me Kathleen. I like that. The others all call me Kathy”. Then we started talking about everything and anything for the next four hours. I walked her to her car, we smiled, and then I just walked to my car. As I searched for my keys, the biggest most legitimate smile came upon my face and the feeling inside was the best I had felt since I was nine years old. She likes me….me… little, plain, lowly me!! As I drove home that night, confusion and emotions of sadness and ecstasy scrambled my thought process. After so many years of struggling within an empty worthless shell……Was it actually possible that I had some value as a human being?