Bullying was hurting...but Healing was on the horizon

As I discussed yesterday, the eight years after high school were filled with nightmares, daydreams, and very little productive moments. I was hurting bad after so many years of being bullied. Every day I was in a mode of survival dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and physical ailments. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I was too frightened and nervous to go to a dentist so by the age of 25, I had a cavity in every tooth in my mouth. I had many nervous ticks that were easily set off by interacting with people. The worst situations were when I with girls that I liked.

During my darkest days, my left arm and hand would twitch, my left leg got heavy and numb, the left side of my head always felt pressure on the temple. However, the most devastating symptom was the constant sense that I was going to dry heave. many times I did and of course this did not set me up fro many second dates. So I again designed a method of survival. As long as I always had something chewable in my mouth, I usually managed to put off the heaving. After experimenting with several items, I eventually settled on pistachios. Every morning my routine, along with showering and dressing, included the strategic location of pistachios for the daily activities. I made sure I had some in both front pockets of my pants and in the inside pocket of my jacket. There was also backup supplies located in my car, bedroom dresser and kitchen. If I was running low, I had to get a new supply at all costs. I missed appointments and failed to meet responsibilities. The pistachios were so aligned with me, that I regularly received them as Christmas presents because others assumed that I just liked them.

By the time I was 25, I was physically and emotionally a minimal blob of existence. (OK...that was a little wordy). Avoidance became my most painless method of survival. Some friends hung in there with me, but most tired of my lack of dependability, and direction. They got sick of wasted words, my daily personae of pity, and the absurdity of the panic attacks.

The day after labor day in 1985, I started classes again at the University of Lowell. I did have a bachelor's degree in business but had slid in and out of several jobs with no sense of purpose or passion. Now I was back in school to pursue a degree in Biology, attempting to convince myself that this was the real deal. All of my peers were off starting careers, getting married, buying houses and having kids. I was forging forward through another fall doing everything possible to avoid commitment and responsibility.

On the second day of school a moment occurred that would change my life forever. It was that second in time where the transition from "Hurt" to "Healing" began.  This stunningly gorgeous Biology student came up to me and asked me a question in the hall at school. I felt as if I was looking into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. As I began to respond to her question, something amazing happened: I didn't reach for a pistachio, I didn't twitch, I didn't feel a need to get away, I was coherent and I smiled! The "Healing" (although the process would take several years ) began at that very instant....To be continued....

Has it been worth it?

When I was a young adult, I was such a quiet guy. I didn't share my view and kept most things inside. During my first seven years as a teacher I kept my views guarded. When I shifted to administration in 1998, the passion I had towards facilitating outstanding educational opportunities for all kids, really began to intensify. By the time I took my first principalship in 2002, I was fired up and had a lot to say. My vision for community and academic success drove me forward. So I passionately expressed my views.

I found out that change and strength of character scares people.

1. I went to the school board and superintendent in my second year as principal at Epping Middle high School and presented a vision to turn the Epping school communities into one of the finest in the country. I told them that it would be hard and some would fight the change. I told them I was willing to take all the hits. The superintendent and the board agreed to support me 100%. The school board offered me a four year extension on the spot to validate their support. The superintendent and I came up with a plan for implementation. The process began, people got scared and the superintendent collapsed. She allowed the old guard, that she agreed was the crux of the problem, to take control of the school.

2. I took a position as Head of School for a private education institution on HHI. The owner was a tyrant. When I arrived the teachers had sub-standard pay and no medical benefits. The curriculum was questionable. Half the classes did not have textbooks. SCISA was challenging our legitimacy as a secondary school. The NCAA was challenging the credibility of our graduates. I fought for students and teachers for three years. In the third year the owner called me in and said... "without question this is a better quality school now then when you arrived over two years ago. However, I liked it better when it was a lousy school and I was making more money." Then he convinced the new investors that I was spending over budget when in actuality he had cooked the books shifting other business venture expenditures into my lines. The result, I was convinced to agree to a mutual arrangement that sent me on my way.

3. The superintendent of schools in Beaufort County told me I was the kind of administrator she was looking for. She toldme that I would be a principal in the system in no time. She also told me I could always talk to her if I had concerns. Seven months later I had a concern, so I spoke. I was transferred, demoted and many attempts were made to get me to quit. I expressed my concerns and the papers got a hold of my e-mail to all my colleagues. Between e-mails, phone and personal conversation, over 400 employees in the district have expressed their support for what I said. The standard component of every conversation was a piece in which these people expressed concern about losing their job if they publicly supported me. In the last year I was given a negative review, (I got an attorney. They conducted a new review and I received excellent marks...the district also agreed to shred the bad review.)and not given the opportunity to return to an administrative position despite the fact that I am one of the most experienced administrators in the district.

4. I have been an HHBA little league baseball coach for three years. It has been a joy to coach so many fine young boys and particularly to coach my son. This year I stood up to the chairman of the HHBA committee and to another coach. The chairman is a bully and the other coach is sneaky and demonstrates questionable ethics as a coach. I simply stood up in front of them and called them on the carpet. The vast majority of the other coaches and parents know about these guys and have witnessed their actions. Because of my honesty, I have been banned from coaching my son and was even asked not to come on the field when my son's all-star team was practicing. Never have I ever seen a parent not welcomed onto a field to help out. I have seniority as an HHBA coach and twenty years experience as a high school coach, athletic director, teacher and principal. It would be difficult to find a parent that did not support my philosophy and actions as a coach for their kids.

So I ask myself the question, "Has it been worth it?" Absolutely!!!

No matter how people react, my children will always know and believe that Dad stood up for what he believed in...that he cared deeply about kids...and that he followed the right path, not the easy one!

Triad of Academic Success

Triad of Academic Success

I believe that every child can learn. I believe that every child can embrace the joy of feeling successful. I believe that the bar of academic rigor can be continually raised. However, for too many of our kids, these things do not happen. These children will not enjoy these benefits until a drastic overhaul occurs within our educational system.

First we have got to clear the air, get out of the box, start from scratch, reorganize the bus and incorporate every other cliché that exists in society. All the guidelines that are in place as of today need to be shredded and cleared out. The philosophy of “politically correct” needs to fall off a cliff, lawyers need to go to hell, and parents need to start being parents through actions not just in name. The changes necessary to provide outstanding academic performance will take guts and courage.

The key to success involves the triad model. This is a dynamic triangular relationship existing between students, parents and the school. The only way that effective academic rigor can be implemented is if the links between the three points are tight and strong. The struggle exists where the weak link lies. The withering links develop because of chinks in the pillars. A tone of discipline, respect and courage must be designed and implemented by the parents from the day the child is born. From that very first moment the baby should be nurtured, held, comforted, read to, sung to, told right from wrong, given guidelines,reprimanded and praised. These primary interventions will support the triad when the child is five, thirteen, seventeen and beyond.