Holding on to Hope through the Hurt of Bullying

"Hope" is a crucial word that I use during my anti-bullying presentations. I want kids to know that what I went through really hurt. I want them to know that the healing process can be at times challenging, unbearable and brutal. However, if there is no perspective of hope then those that hear me will end up doing what too many young people are doing. They will shut down believing that there is no way that things are going to get better. I know it gets better and I want to share with everyone that will listen that life can be awesome again, and a purpose for living is right there in front of you. When I was at my worst during the post-bullying years, getting out of bed was an exhausting chore. I knew that as soon as I faced other humans, I returned immediately to those feelings of worthlessness. I survived by avoiding connections with people. I was so afraid that they would quickly find out what a useless piece of dirt that I was. For about 8 years from 18 through 26 my daily walk through life was akin to a B-rated horror movie; something/someone was always lurking causing me discomfort and leading to irrational actions. I was a paranoid hypochondriac with neurotic tendencies. Underneath this craziness was simply a guy that wanted to be accepted and liked. I avoided high places because I would shake uncontrollably and stare down the constant fear that I would jump. I never did jump and there was never anything physically wrong with me. At the end of each day, I would feel such a relief when I knew I wouldn't have to face anyone else that day. I would allow myself to breath and then deal with the utter exhaustion of surviving the day. Sleep was tough and would eventually come after several hours of television or movie diversions. You are probably asking how could you continue every day. I don't know except that in the back corner of my mind was a slight stirring driving me towards a better day. In 1985, at the age of 26, the first inklings of a healing process began......More tomorrow...

Website Launched

I launched my website today, http://www.mikesanzeducate.com/. I'm so excited to finally get started and work towards ending bullying and supporting survivors throughout this country. So lets get started. The student program is developing and getting stronger every day. Teacher and parent programs are in the design stage. I'll present to any non-profit in Beaufort County at no cost through mid-August. E-mail me at sanzeducate@aol.com or call me at 843-422-9793 if you would like me to speak to, share with, and support your group.

Parent Tip of the Day:  When your children check in for the night, have them turn their smart phones, I pads,
                                   and computers over to you. Let them focus on sleep and rest without the media from
                                   10 PM until 6 AM.  (Crazy...maybe...Brilliant...probably).

Bullied: Hurt, Healing and Hope

After 3 year of talk, thought and planning I have made the decision to resign from Beaufort County School District. I will be focusing my energy on an antibullying program titled, "Bullied: Hurt, Healing and Hope". There are 4 major points to the program:
1. I tell my stories opening up to the emotional and physical struggles that I experienced.
2. I inform and educate providing strategies for deterring and stopping bullying.
3. I make the bullies aware that a moment of laughter leads to a life of struggle for victims.
4. I provide a message and support system of Hope. Life can and will get better.

 Programs are age appropriate each with their own perspective. So far I have made presentations at four Beaufort County Boys and Girls Clubs, McCracken Middle School and Hilton Head Island Rec. My web page should be launching later this week. I am making this program available to any non-profit organizations in Beaufort County for no cost through mid-August. Give me a call at 843-422-9793 or e-mail me at sanzeducate@aol.com.
 Programs for other groups include:
• Parents:               Understanding what your child is not saying.
 • Teachers:            Rapport, Recognition, Response
• Survivors:            Coping, Hoping and Solutions
 • Community:        Just like a Natural Disaster: Prepare in Advance
 • Grandparents:    How can I Help?
 • Workplace:        Talented, Qualified and Driven: Targets for Bullies.

The long term goal is to provide a tough message, strategies and avenues of hope for kids, teachers, parents and survivors. This program will spread from Beaufort County, through South Carolina, and throughout this country. Forming coalitions with other anti-bullying organizations we will end the hurt and fear of bullying. My personal goal is to see all kids feeling safe in any social situations and enjoying coming to school every day.

Ten Words worth Defining...

Ten Words worth Defining…
1. Parental Love: Actions, responses, feelings, and decisions in which on several occasions the correct word is simply, “No”.
2. Integrity: Actions that you see on the outside are the same as what the person is thinking on the inside.
3. Winning: A moment in time to be cherished and remembered… not to be embellished, or placed on the same platform of importance as the process necessary to attain that win.
4. Losing: Events in life from which you should draw strength, wisdom, patience, perseverance, grace, humor, and vision.
5. Role Model: An imperfect human being whose outstanding skills, charisma, charm, looks and appeal is minimized by the immensity of his or her morality.
6. Education: A lifelong pursuit down a perilous potholed path with several open doors lining the route. Another easier parallel path exists, but the doors are closing quickly, barricaded or locked.
7. Courage: Actions leading to lasting positive changes; with clear expectations of being pummeled, and the joy of recognizing our true friends.
8. Discipline: Holding back in order to move forward.
9. Respect: The foundation upon which all interactions with my parents and teachers were built.
10. Happiness: Looking in the mirror and walking away with an internal warm smile.

10 Things that make it a Good Day for a Middle Age Man

10 Events that Highlight a Middle Age Man’s Day!
1. When you are able to slide out of bed with less than 3 body joints hurting. I did say slide…the last time you jumped was 10 years ago when you realized you had missed your tee time!
2. When you have a nice fluent flow in the morning…without any wait time.
3. When an attractive woman smiles at you and you don’t have either your dog or your cute grandchild with you.
4. When your wife smiles at you and you don’t have either your dog or your cute grandchild with you.
5. When you don’t fall down the stairs while looking for your glasses because you can’t see anything.
6. When you can just enjoy the flavorful taste of a cookie not packaged by Metamucil.
7. When you can sit down for dinner with every family member accounted for and present.
8. When you can stay awake throughout the whole movie.
9. When you leave in the morning…with a job and return that evening…with a job!
10. When you go to bed, you aren’t bothered by indigestion, caffeine jitters, back pain, insomnia, the neighbor’s rap music, or one immensely irritating cricket.

10 of my favorite Parent statements through the Years!

In paranthesis are my responses:

1. I know my child and I know he would never lie to me. (You are living in a fantasy world, mom!)

2. Why don't you worry about the big things like drugs and weapons instead of
wasting your time bothering my kid about dress code and being tardy? (If I bother your child
about these "small" things, I won't ever have to worry about the big ones.}

3. If my child said F$#@ Y&% to you, what did you do to cause him/her to say that? (Are you kidding me?)

4. My child doesn't think that you like her. (I don't...but I still want to facilitate her educational
experience.}

5. He never acts that way at home... (Ha, ha,...that's a good one!)

6. Why are you stressing my child out with all these expectations? (Why aren't you reinforcing my
expectations at home?}

7. Don't talk down to me just because you have a college education... (Sure, I'll express my views intellectually.
The problem is that you won't understand a darn thing I said. So at least give your child the opportunity to
understand some day.}

8. My child says that you are boring... (Which rock did you look under that had a note stating that preparing
children for a solid education was entertaining?}

9. I've talked to many of my daughter's friends and they all say you called her on the carpet. (You are foolish
for listening to a bunch of teenagers that challenge anyone that facilitates brain function... and by
the way, you might try calling her on the carpet as well.}

10. My child is failing your class. What are you going to do about it? (Not a darn thing...he's failing because of
his decisions not because of my actions!}

Ten Statements made by Teachers that Enhance your Child's Education.

1. Your brain should be tired by the end of the school day because you challenged yourself today...not because
you wasted brain cells texting until 3:00 AM this morning.

2. Yes....spelling counts!

3. If you would like to do better in my class, take all electronic devices out of your room and hand your
cell phone over to your parents after 8:00 PM every night.

4. Who said anything about being easy?

5. Please use full sentences.

6. When a middle or high school student tells the teacher that they don't have a pencil, paper or their book
after the first week, the teacher's response should be..."That's your problem, deal with it".

7. When I'm talking...you aren't!

8. Work is an expectation, not an option!

9. Studying is hard...Digging ditches is harder!

10. Your parents owe you food, shelter and an education...everything else is a priviledge. If you decide to ignore
your education, there will be no extracurricular activities, no time with friends, no electronic devices, no
name brand clothes, no use of the car, no spending money, no dating, etc., etc.