7 Tips for Family Survival in 2012

1. Hear what your kids are not saying. a. When you ask your teen how the day was, the response is always “fine”. In many cases this is a normal teenager energy reserve response. However, if something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Now you have got to probe deeper and get your child to talk. It will be difficult, painful and possibly loud. However, we are talking about the long-term well-being of your child. 2. Illegalize all electronic devices in your child’s room after they turn in for the night. a. No…I’m not kidding. Have your kids hand over their cell phones, computers, I Pads, etc., etc. The 24/7 constant information barrage is not healthy. b. If they refuse, do not let them into their bedrooms. No negotiations…They need to sleep. 3. Do not allow your kids to lock their bedroom doors. a. Give them their deserved privacy…which means you will knock before entering. b. People lock doors when they don’t want others to know what is being said or done. We have the right as parents to know everything that our kids say or do! c. If they refuse your request, remove the door when they leave for school and ask your neighbor if you can keep it in their garage….I guarantee they won’t lock it when you give them a second chance. 4. Require that you children give you their access passwords to all computer accounts. a. Remind your kids that any access to these things is a privilege which can be removed because of poor behavior, poor grades, poor hygiene, etc. i. Last year my daughter was going through a philosophical struggle which involved being irresponsible and disrespectful to her parents. I got on her Facebook, changed her password and left the following message: “Dear Facebook Friends: My daughter will not be sharing with you on Facebook for an undetermined period of time until she regains her senses. This will occur when she shows appreciation and respect for her parents, cleans her room, does all schoolwork on time, and quits talking back.” Signed “Dad” 5. Accept the fact that your tween or teenager lies. a. This is a challenging one for many parents to come to grips with. After 23 years as an educator and 17 years as a parent it is just the cold hard truth. You can adjust the term to “fib”, “alter”, “forget”, “contrive”. The reality is that kids’ minds work within a very small window of time. For example, it’s Thursday and your child gets in trouble in school. He has been waiting for two weeks to join his buddies after school on Friday for a sleepover weekend. I guarantee you that your son or daughter will adjust the details so that they can participate in the sleepover. b. These kids are not bad kids….they are kids. c. So do the right thing…don’t let them join the sleepover. d. I suggest wearing ear plugs when you announce your decision so that the whining, drama and screams will just be a dull nuisance. 6. Ask questions, verify answers, a. Ask the following questions: i. Who will you be with? Will their parents be at home? Who is driving? What specifically will you be doing? ii. Do not accept any answer that begins with: “I think so”, or “Mary…and a couple of other kids”. b. Verify answers: i. Call the other parents. 7. While having meals as a family, no electronic devices will be permitted: a. No TV…No smart phones…No texting….No computers… b. Only allow conversation and proper table manners!